Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
