Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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