so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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