here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
