It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
