I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
