I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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