I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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