I have demons in me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
