I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
