Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
