Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
