Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
