i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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