This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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