Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
