God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
