my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
