I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
