ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
