i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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