We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
don't judge my taste in strippers
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
