he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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