forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
