i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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