Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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