I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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