Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
