So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
