There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
