Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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