it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
