Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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