Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
