First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
