I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
