do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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