What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
