You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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