Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I look better un-naked...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
