i can't believe i had my finger in that
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
