you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
