I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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