i may or may not be watching the land before time
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
