I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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