I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
