we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
