he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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