I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
