True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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