Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Less talking, more tequila
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
