just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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