i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
