Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
