I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
