conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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