my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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