Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My ass is underappreciated
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
