well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
